New Year's Eve

Well, I was looking at Rena's updated blog, and I figured that since I haven't updated in forever, I'd just get my butt and gear and start doing it. And since Rena is participating in NaBloPoMo, then I might as well give it a go, so starting tomorrow I have to blog every day of January, or I lose. It doesn't seem so hard on the outside of things, but if I couldn't do it before after resolving to blog every one-three days, it means I have to SERIOUSLY buckle down and do it. It might also improve my determination skill thingies. xDD

Alright. It's New Year's Eve, so I have some planning to do. What do I have to do this year? What are my personal goals? Education? Music? Blah blah blah xD BFS goals - Big Fun Scary goals. Eh... I'll probably end up coming up with the majority of them tomorrow on New Year's xD

Related to Music:

• Begin learning ocarina
• Begin learning piano
• Begin learning cello
• Save up for a cello (preferably electric so I can play with more privacy)
• Practice violin for nine hours a week
• Save up for voice lessons
• Successfully compose an instrumental piece
• Successfully compose a vocal piece
• Finish mine and Rena's duet piece
• Record a piece on my own
• Record a duet
• Transcribe a piece from Final Fantasy
• Write lyrics to and arrange a piece from Final Fantasy
• Write/arrange/record a piece with Rena that may or may not be violin/voice/cell + ocarina/flute/piano
• Con Rena into writing an original piece WITH me

Related to Education

• Join Octathlon
• If I make Octathlon, win at least two gold medals
• Focus more in class and stop sleeping through videos even if I can't keep my eyes open one second longer
• Make my English teacher remember me as an individual rather than as "one of his old students"
• Kick my butt in gear and stop slacking on homework and projects
• Kick my butt into higher gear and get up to straight A's
• Study Algebra very hard as TAKS nears
• Focus a little more on photography
• Finish my yearbook spreads quickly and efficiently
• Edit mine and my classmates' yearbook spreads
• Figure out a way to make a higher grade in History
• Suck up to all the teachers and make them think I'm the best student EVAR

Related to Social Life

• Re-establish connections with people I haven't been speaking to in the past couple of months
• Somehow figure out who I should be friends with and who I shouldn't
• Figure out if I want to be a social loner or not
• Get over myself and patch things up with AJ
• Plan a girls day out of some sort for all the girlies
• Hang out with some guys so I can stop being so girly
• Figure out when John Paul and I can hang out and actually DO IT
• Do not let my social life affect EVERYTHING in life
  It's so very hard to make goals for my social life, because it tends to make flippies and such.

Miscellaneous

• Study the Bible with Rena
• Get some more drawings lined and coloured
• Finish reading Rena's stories (xD)
• Get one of my own stories on paper (preferably Breathers)
• Get published with the help of Mr. Olsen
• Draw a few scenes from some of my stories (preferably Egypt)
• Draw one thing every day of the year
• Go back and watch the first season of Digimon and any seasons after that might've been good
• Watch the first three Pokemon movies and possibly the first season
• Work on some Final Fantasy GMV's
• Finish NaNoWriMo this year
• Win NaBloPoMo this January
• Move in with my mother
• Open up a banking account of some sort so I can actualy save (xD)
• Get fit

If I think of something I'm missing, I'll have to edit this post xD However, I think I've got almost everything. This took HOURS to compile. Okay, well, putting together the actual amount of time I worked on it, maybe half an hour.. -dies- I have a lot to do this year, not including the random crap that pops up when you least expect it. But hopefully Lythyr and Rayne will co-operate and help me get everything done.

Lythyr: I'll most definitely try to help you, Rapa. I love it when you reach your goals. It puts a shine in my heart.
Rayne: I think that's the gay-est thing I've ever heard you say. Ick. We gotta get you a girl, man.
Lythyr: I have no need of a girl..
Rayne: LIES! All of them!
Lythyr: A little bit.
Rayne: Toldja.
Me: I'm not liking this conversation. -smacks you two and finished blog-

Anyhow, Happy New Year's Eve, guys. I hope you all have a Happy New Year! -poof-

An Update of Horridness

Well, NaNo this year did not go as well I had hoped it would, and I'm not going to hit 50k by the 30th. HOWEVER, I am determined to keep at writing this novel, no matter how bored I get or how tedious it seems or... well no matter what happens, I'm finishing this darn thing.

Now, on the side now that I've freed up some time from NaNo, I'm writing my first complete song, instrumental and everything. All I have at the moment is a couple lines of lyrics and a tune for the chorus, but I'm slowly working my way into this. I need some paper so I can print off some empty sheets for my sheetmusic.. Gotta remember to do that.
Anyhow, Tiggy is working on a project for school, and she asked if she could use the song I'm writing as part of it - it sparked some really sweet ideas for us. I'm going to her house today, so I'll be helping her with her project while I'm there. It should be funnnn.
Which, by the way, she's speaking to me again! *dances happily*

I'm talking to Rena about Christmas lists, and it's now coming to my attention that this year, when my parents ask what I'd like for Christmas, I can actually answer with things that I want! Is awesome. Well, they're still things I need.
Oh but I do so want a cello... *sudden need to go look some up*

Uhm.
Yeah.
*poof*

One Week!

It's the last week.
And Monday is November 1st.
And I'm scared.
I mean, I'm nervous.
Because I'm not even near close to being done plotting.
And my extra-curriculars are getting in the way.
Like the fact that AJ's caretaker-awesome-person is wanting to pay for my ticket to the dance tomorrow that I have no idea if I'll be able to go to >_< GRR.
But...
Yeah...
I SCARED.

Five Times Five Is...

... not actually any matter that needs to be discussed now because I made a 96 this six weeks in Geoooometry.
All A's this six weeks! -happyphaes-

Meanwhile I am writing angsty teenage poetry.
Yes.
Mwahahaha.

And plotting a little bit ^^

Ack!

Last niiiiight. Yeah. Last niiiiight, was fuuuuuun. 'Cause I got to hang out with AJ. It. Was. AWESOME. I took him to dad's practice and he loved it ^^ I'm glad we went. We had lots and lots of fun. This included kisses and tag with the kids. Mwahaha. Oh! And I get to see him tomorrow, at church, cause he's taking me to his church. ^^

Although I'm supposed to listen to songs.

I'm in trouble for not knowing these.

List of Songs To Listen To (Apparently):
CCR - Fortunate Son
Twiztid - I'm Alright
Bad Company (By Unknown Singah)
DC Talk(?) - Jesus Freak

I went to All-Region today.
I didn't make it.
And I found out my teacher had been my judge.
And I cried because of that.
Not because I didn't make it, but because I screwed up so bad with my teacher judging. -sigh-

Neh, I don't feel like typing more right now. Maybe later while I'm not being distracted by an important phonecall... Mwahahaha.

AJ

Short one today!
I has a boyfriend, I has a boyfriend, and he-ee-eee loves me. So he says. XD
Um.
Wait.
-stares at title- I'm just... going to change that now... -runs to change it from "On AJ"-
Um. Yeah. So he's coming over tomorrow night and we're gonna watch a movie or TV or something - unless he doesn't want to come over here. But I'd like him to, I've been at his place before but still. Anyway, so I'm excited!
We got our choir cuts today for the Region auditions, and I'm quite happy with them. They're the three songs I actually DID learn. XDD
Pep rally went weeeeeeelll... FWEE.

Just Because I Want To.

Alright, I like my Just Because post topics, sorry xD
I don't have too much to say today.
Uhhhh.
Well, I've been busy (obviously) and yeah.
Although.
I've got to tell Rena something.
Something very important. **Nudge**
And that will be all.

Happy!

Guess who's back, back again, AJ's back, tell a friend. -hums along-

I decided that this is going to be kind of like a diary. Because I can't stop from long posts - I just want to talk to much. Here goes XD

Alright, so Friday sure came along, and he was excited about where he's living, because he's living with a church friend and apparently she's amaaaazing. I'm happy for him! He loves it. He's amazed by the fact that their about to buy him a cellphone and are trying to get a car fixed up for him so he can get his license and stuff... I'm amazed too XD Who the heck would give AJ a car? Pft. I sure wouldn't. He's going to end up running someone over XD Kidding. Hopefully.

Anyway, he warned me Friday night that his mother was probably going to call me, but he didn't know why, because she was asking him for my number and she wouldn't tell him why. Not five minutes after that, she called - so I let him go and called her back.

His family was setting up a surprise party at Gattiland for Saturday and they were inviting me ^^

"You know, because he always talks about you. He never shuts up!"

I was happy to be invited, and I ended up dragging Stevi along with me on Saturday. AJ was so mad on Friday night though, because I just wouldn't tell him what his mother had asked. I can see why he was worried. I would be too if my mother and friend did that to meeee.

So Saturday comes along and I have to clean my entire room and the kitchen before we leave. I spent six hours cleaning. o.O SIX. But I got it done!

Then I had to get dressed in about fifteen minutes before his mom picked us up. She was rattling on about almost everything - very talkitive, very potty-mouthed XD I was nervous as heck, sitting there in the back with Stevi just whispering back and forth. One thing we did agree on when we got in the truck? His older brother? Hawwwt. Just saying.

We got to Gatti's earlier than everyone else, and his mom instructed Stevi and I to go inside and wait because really, we were the biggest surprise for AJ. So we did. I had to try soooo haaaarrrd not to look back and get caught being there, and I did peek once. Just saying him made my heart flutter with happiness. It'd been so long since I'd seen him. Sooo I turned around and mumbled to Stevi, "Don't look, he'll see you." And what does she do? Turn around. And then looking forward again, she says, "Oops. I think he noticed me." -.- Really, Stevi, really?

So heeee walks innnn, and I turn around and look straight at him, just kind of staring. His face LIT UP. And then darkened. "How did I NOT know this was coming?" he said with a scowl. Yup. Go AJ. Blondest red-head I've met since, well, me. Then again, my blonde is natural. So's his red. XD

I spent most of Saturday night hanging with AJ, following him around and sneaking away from Stevi. Made her mad, but she knew that it was just 'cause we hadn't seen eachother in FOREVER.

ANYWAY. So. I'm happy. ^^

The end.

OR IS IT?!?!?!?!

If Life Gives You Lemons...

Give them to me.
Please?
Wait... When does life actually give you lemons? I've never gotten lemons.. Have you?
Hmph.

ANYWAY. So while I'm supposed to be plotting, I'm sitting here blogging about lemons.
You know what? Blogging reminds me of bologna. Why do we say "baloney" when it is spelled B-O-L-O-G-N-A? I never did get that. Of course, I just say bologna (buh-log-nuh). Is that weird? Yes. Is it dorky? Yes. Am I a girl? Yes. Did that have anything to do with what I was saying before? Probably not. Maybe a little...

I'm having one of those random days. My morning was icky, so my mind went into hyper-positive drive, so yup.

Last day for my count down just fyi. AJ. Back. Tomorrow. Yes.

Ooh! And Tiggy might be coming to stay over also ^^ I haven't seen her in like, two weeks, so I'm terribly excited.

I seriously should plot though... -run awaaaaaaay-

Just Because I Can.

Really, this is about to be one of those random things where I just ramble. Just because I can.

Plus, I have nothing else to talk about other than my day. So here goes.

I woke up at around 6:30 AM this morning and decided that I REALLY wanted to go back to bed. So I did. For about fifteen minutes. And then laid there tossing and turning. So sleep, well, it didn't go so great. xD

So, I get up, tired as all heck. But you know what? I still got around and got ready for school without trying to fake being sick to get out of it. Of course, I stink at faking sick, so it wouldn't have worked anyway... POINT BEING. I got dressed, left, and showed up at school for See You At The Pole. And let me tell you, it was amazing. When I got there, I helped Pineapple set up her keyboard for her music, and then it begaaaaan. First we had Kazi talk about why we were there. Then we had some loud music and donuts. Then came Pineapple.

She was amazing. Truely amazing. She just sounded so gorgeous singing her own song - playing the piano for it too. I was so proud of her... She even took my advice and changed the piano up a bit ^^ I got to hold the mic for her. Her music brought me to tears, guys... We were all proud - especially God, I think. Such beautiful praise to him, it was...

Then came the stories. There were three people who spoke. I was one of them. I told my story and nearly cried while doing it, I was so nervous. It was spur of the moment for me to go up there, you see. Just like everything else in my life, but Christianity apparently XD

The rest of the day was pretty good. I got my makeup work from everyone that I needed to, since I missed two days of school, and I caught up with the day-to-day social lives. Apparently a girl cheated on her man while I was gone. Broke his heart, too... I wanted to comfort him and beat her up, but truthfully, I'm not close enough to them to make those calls. Still wanted to hurt her... But instead, like Derek said, I'll just pray for them both. Pray for those you don't like instead of using violence, right? -twitch-

I didn't get a chance to do much when I came home today, so... Neh.

ALSO.
AJ IS COMING HOME! -victory dance- Friday! He moves back on Friday! And, and, and, I am SO making so much effort to go see him.
Plus I might start going to church with him again. I'll have to talk to the lady who's taking him in, 'cause I really liked going to that church. It made me feel at home even before I had my own revelation...

Um.
Um.
I need to plot.
Yup.
-die-

On God and Christianity

I'm a girl who was raised to be more agnostic than athiest or Christian. I've lived my life constantly wondering about the existence of the Lord, lived with only the wish to be a Christian one day. Even in elementary school, I was worried because no matter what I did, no matter how hard I tried, I could not believe that a God was most definitely real. I tried so hard it made me cry at night.

Life steadily got worse for me as I turned away from Christianity. I had a very negative view point for a long while. "Even if He is real, I will never be able to believe with my soul, so why even try?" And I gave in. I didn't try.

At a certain point in my junior high years, I began to try again because I knew that I needed help and that I would not be given it by any mortal being. My belief that there may be a God started to return, and I started asking about it more often when I was around my Christian friends. At one point, a friend of mine got a little frustrated with me when I explained to her why I hadn't accepted Christ as my savior. She argued that it shouldn't be that hard - if I just did it, everything would be so much easier and I would be saved. I knew she was trying to help me, and because she'd lived her life in God's arms, she knew him already and didn't quite understand that it was harder for me than anything else. I, having a logical mind and raised on the wrong side of religion for most of my life, had to have proof before I could believe. I thought I would never be able to get that proof though. Even so, I watched for the signs that would surely come to me..

In eighth grade, my grandpa began to die. It was painful for him, but he was strong - that I knew. But he began to give up, and I couldn't stand to watch him do that. I was never very close to him, but he was still Grandpa. He couldn't just leave us behind. I knew that it just might be his time, but I didn't want him to give up because he still had a fighting chance.

So I asked that God give him strength and let him live. I prayed for him, and I tried to make a bargain with God. I said to him, "Please, God, please let my grandfather live. I'm begging this of you, if you are out there, you will give him the strength to go on even through his pain, to get through it until it really is his time. I swear on everything I live for, that if you would please do this, it would mean so much to me. I know you may not forgive me just yet, but all I am asking is that you answer this prayer not for me, but for him who I pray for."

And I knew that if He did answer my prayers, I would begin to believe. And that I promised.

My grandfather passed away on March 4th, 2010. But you know what? He fought for weeks before it was he knew it was then his time. And you know what? I kept to my promise. I began to believe.
Since March, I have fought in my soul to make my belief of God real. Still, though, I had trouble. It never occured to me that I hadn't asked for His help.. I hadn't asked and he hadn't given it.

Then the most peculiar thing happened to me last night - or really, at 12:01 this morning. I've been having a rough time with life for the past couple of weeks, and I had a terrible break down last night after talking to my friend Ryan, who had been telling me of his friends' beliefs and of his own. He told me story upon story, but I argued that everyone had their own story of when they began to truly believe and that mine just hadn't come to existance yet. Tired, he went to bed. Saddened, I laid in mine and mulled over everything that had happened in the past few weeks.

I started to cry, and I didn't know why but I couldn't stop. And then I begged God for his forgiveness and his help. I begged for Him to let me in his arms, and to help me choose the paths I must take.

And here is the odd part. I have always believed that my iPod is... just... special. Almost any time I need to think about a certain thing, on shuffle there is a song that will play according to my thoughts. And you know, to base my religious belief on something as silly as an object that randomly chooses music is an odd thing to do. But when I asked for His forgiveness, out of over 700 songs, a song called "She Will Be Loved" by Maroon 5 came on. Granted, it is not a Christian song, but at the time, these lyrics right here, well, they meant more to me than you could imagine.

"It's not always rainbows and butterflies
It's compromise that moves us along, yeah
My heart is full and my door's always open
You can come anytime you want

I don't mind spending everyday
Out on your corner in the pouring rain
Look for the girl with the broken smile
Ask her if she wants to stay awhile
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved
And she will be loved

I know where you hide
Alone in your car
Know all of the things that make you who you are
I know that goodbye means nothing at all
Comes back and begs me to catch her every time she falls"

Now, just think. Music is one of the most important things in life to me. It speaks to me more than any other type of art, and I love it dearly. And at that moment in time, I seemed to realize that I really was loved by the Lord and that He would always be there if I needed him to be.

Just after that song came the next song that even though it was about bloodshed and war, it still spoke to me in a religious way, and only because my wandering mind attuned to it only at one line. "Pet" by A Perfect Circle.

"Go back to sleep."

I had asked him what I should do at that very moment, what I needed to do, and afterward I fell asleep, snuggling my purple bunny and laying in the comforting arms of the Lord.

And here it is now that I state my new belief.

I am saved.

S.21.12:01.

Day Off Of School

I got a day off of school. -victory dance- And on my day, I was a lazy fruitcake. I spent most of the day browsing the NaNoForums and listening to the Final Fantasy Radio, and the rest of the day goofing off.

It was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G.

Honestly, though, I had some things to do and I haven't even begun. I was supposed to do Math, start on my Falcon project, and I've got to research a volunteer program for GirlScouts...

I also need to be plotting. Look how well that's going! I'm sitting here blogging instead, at the pooking of Rena XD

Speaking of Rena, you know what she does? I sit there and tell her I'm terrible with patterns, and she gives me one to figure out. Of course, knowing me, I try and figure it out. And then I hand it to my father and he isn't able to either. It was horrible! I couldn't figure it out! Neither could my dad! -pout-

Um. Um. Yeeeeaaaaah.

I CAN'T THINK OF ANYTHING -die-

Blogged Out?

Alright, so I've had some time thinking about this while messing around with HTML, and I've decided that I'm going to go around saying that I just got blogged out. You know how some people say they got pimped out, talking about their cars or whatever? Well, I'm blogged out.

And now I feel like a dork for saying that.

Oh well.

To the dorks!

Alright, let's get the introductory things out of the way now.

Hi, I'm Brittany, aka, Rapa. I'm a young writer who, let's face it, is a total and complete weirdo girl that probably needs psychological help. Well, this here blog/blogs/what? is going to be my help. ^^ I intend to rant my head off over here, kaythanks. And just ramble, of course. ^^

I have no idea what else to say at the moment... So... -waves and runs off-